" your signal fades away, and all i'm left with is noise. "

you're gone, now.
the time that has created a barrier between us has finally passed.
seems funny, really,
that on this day, and late last night, we were finally able to connect past that barrier.
it was that word on both our lips that finally bridged that gap.
love.
the word that seems so big, so daunting, so haunting...
but is a perfect, if not underwhelming, explanation of our feelings.
i was expecting to get uncontrollably emotional,
to break in front of you.
but it never happened.
instead my insides swarmed with a disgusting coldness,
a numbness.
it broke when you left,
when you waved so slightly out the window as the bus drove you away.
the sadness and reality crashed down around me,
and i almost fell to the ground at its impact.
now it's back,
so numb and empty,
and all i want to do is sleep the next three months away.
but i know i can't,
i know i have to pull my head back into the reality of life.
and i know that i can't even focus on the idea of you coming back,
because you might not even come back to me.
so for the next three months i will grow.
i will grow and stretch my soul,
i will explore myself and not others.
i will love myself, and love my friends, and love the world i am surrounded by.
i will breath the air, and listen to too much music,
attend so many shows that my bank account cries out in protest.
i will try to laugh and fill the hole in my heart with my own laughter.
and the laughter of those i already love.
but i won't look for new love.
i won't look for new experiences from others like you.
this is the opportunity i've been waiting for;
to swim and explore through my own heart,
to grow myself and seek personal development.
you finally gave me the strength and the initial push to do so,
and i'll finish the job you unknowingly started;
it's time to love me.