this time yesterday you were beside me,
around me.
now you're gone, as i always knew you would be.
the worst part is not knowing if this will pay off.
i'm not scared of waiting,
my patience for love is endless,
it's been proven.
i'm scared of not knowing if you'll come back.
if you'll decide to take your life's path in another direction,
which i wouldn't hold against you.
i could never hold anything against you...
but it would be easier if i could.
most of me believes you'll come back,
but i won't let myself feel that hope entirely.
i won't let hope shine into every dark corner.
i won't.
i fight it, and i remind myself of your transience...
my transient lover.
it'll get easier to get lost in myself as time passes,
but for now my mind is too wrapped up in you.
too stuck on the image of your eyes freshly burnt into my memory.
the cool blue seas that refreshed me when i got caught in them.
the blue pools that engulfed me and taught me love,
irrational and irreplaceable love.
the feel of your love is too fresh,
it stings every time i reach to touch it,
as the fingers of my memory brush over it.
the memory of you pulling on your green chords,
and me uncontrollably blurting my love for boys in chords...
"they're my favorite pants," you said,
"i can work with that." i responded.
another reminder of our compatibility.
i want to write down everything i can remember while it's still fresh...
every small and unimportant thing,
and every big earth changing thing.
you grabbing me and singing "i walked with you once upon a dream,"
"our life story" you called it.
or the moment you took my breath away with your nonchalant comment on how we would do well living together,
and we would do magnificent living together.
holding each other in my bedroom doorway and sobbing,
you whispering i love you and me not knowing how to respond.
showing you my writing, and showing you i felt the same.
because i can only articulate my feelings through words written, not spoken.
talks spent on a swing under the stars,
you laughing at the stories one of my oldest friends had told you,
you telling me how to live my life, jokingly.
download this, read this.
and i love it,
because i love when people give me suggestions,
because i hate asking for them but i'm always, always seeking them.
i want these three months to pass by swiftly,
but i also don't.
i fear what the end brings,
the changes that will occur inside of us separately.
will your love for me grow or will it leave you?
will it leave your heart as you left me?
if you forget me i might break,
or maybe i'll forget you.
time is such a fickle, mysterious partner in this dance of love and waiting.
my head is full with memories,
my heart with longing.
my soul with sadness,
and my hands empty of yours.
come back to me.