// lilies and love

you gave my lilies the last time i saw you,
the first flowers you ever gave me,
in all three years of our knowing one another.
you gave me heartache the last time i saw you,
but not the last heart ache you'll ever give me,
in the many more years i hope we have of knowing one another.
we broke our hearts, last time,
but then you left, and your mind cleared, and you saw straight.
you saw things how i saw things, for once,
and for once,
you told me i was right.
i was right all along, really, but you had always thought it was you.
it wasn't.
and now we both know.
the lilies sit beside my bed, and on my table,
and they fill my house and my heart with such a sweet scent,
the scent of love.
and those lilies in my house give me so much happiness, and sadness.
happiness, because even though we have no real title,
no real definition anymore,
happiness because for the first time in such a long time
you get me.
and you are giving me strength instead of taking it away.
such strength, and such love.
i haven't felt love for you in so long,
not like this, anyways.
not the kind that makes me heart soar when i see a call or text from you.
i used to dread talking to you, because you pulled me down.
when i already was pulling myself down,
it was an additional anchor on my already sinking boat.
so i cut you loose.
i let you go.
and yet you stayed close, but not too close. and i'm pulling you back,
or at least i want to.
i want to pull you back and hold you and cradle you,
have you tell me it's okay, and let you love me again.
because it feels so right now,
but for a little while longer i'll play the game we're playing
of dancing around the word love,
and just dancing around the word friends.
friends who aren't really just friends,
because their bond is far more than that,
it's a bond of love,
lilies,
and love.